Peace

I sit in the dewy grass, breathing deeply
Imagining the air I exhale is paired with all the dark shadows
of my past, present, and impossible futures
Imagining the air I inhale is coupled with all the love and kindness
of my past, present and tangible futures
And in this moment I am at peace
I am at peace with the reality of your indifference
with the hostility of all the looks around me
with all the things that will never be
with every moment I shared with him that live
only in my memory
with every dream I have where he is living
with my lack of control over anything
but my own actions and, some day, my own thoughts
When I let these thoughts go
there is no gravity in my world
they soar above all emotion and reason
and create a world in which there is no selfishness
where the pain thrust upon me
can be exhaled with all else that is toxic
where my love does not go wasted
but is finally opened to be given to all that
are also open to it, who want it and give it freely in return
finally my heart is open to its full capacity
I can be free, I can sit in this lustrous bed
that nature has made for me, for this moment
for this moment, I am truly myself
here I can realize my own path, from it all the turns
I will never take, the turns that are only distraction
I see those that walked with me for many years but
that have since moved on from this trail
I see those I already know who will walk with me to the end
You see, the journey I see you cannot see
from happiness to painfulness I am the only one to see it all
to feel it all, and I am the only one that must continue down it
your journey may take you from my side
but I trust you will find your way
all I ask is that you let yourself be happy
that you let yourself find peace
it’s already there, within you, and
in God who lives there, too
the forgiveness, the joy, the faith, they are already there
waiting for you to find them, and just know
if ever you need a guide, I will light the way
with all the love I have for you.

- Jessica Mary