Craving

Craving,
so relentlessly I crave
the intangible wrinkles you
do not yet have
I crave you
fifty years from now
when your skin has thinned
fallen in
I crave your
future endeavors and
everywhere you may go
shielding your wrinkles from the sun
Craving,
all you will be
in the days you know so well
your age
I crave the lines
you’ll have beside your eyes
deep, accompanying your
addicting smile.
I crave the gray
that will take over the
darkness of your hair
of your arms.
I crave your
experience, your
memories, all the thoughts
that contain us
I crave the day
I will place my wrinkled cheek
to your wrinkled cheek
and dance.

- Jessica Mary

this glue

Sometimes you realize that what you
thought would be all the time is nothing
but some of your time leaks into the forever
you never believed in, and out of
it comes and goes as every breath to and
from your lungs you pull the strength
to move on means to forget, or does it mean
to forgive is a true feat, as though your feet step
leaving the rest of your body, your essence
behind you, so where you are in this moment
you are without a part of you, who you are right now
is not who you were before, your feet
carry you away from the memory, but in that you lose
the “you” you were and become
someone else, until you find something that can
pull you back together,
tape, glue and goop
like love, faith and peace could possibly do it all, in
your mind breaks apart your head, these
pieces are the peaces of you, put them
together we can do it, I’ve done this before
forgiveness has been given for you
if you’d just
hold still, you’ve put your head on wrong
your heart doesn’t go there, let me show you
just wait, it will beat again, but here,
I’ll help you paste it around your soul, just
don’t touch me, I know where this goes
stop, I’m too soft, I’ll just build you from the feet that
brought you to this
stand before me, hands away from me
don’t touch me or you’ll mold me, you hold me
too hard, I’m covered in your fingerprints, yes
those are yours, you don’t remember? It’s okay.
stand back, don’t worry, I’ll cover those up, just
sit still, let me fix you first
I’ll mend me later.

- Jessica Mary

Time

So often I hear “time heals all wounds” and “just give it time.” The more I think about it, the less I believe such statements. It’s not just time. It’s what you choose to do or not do in that time that heals all. If something happened between myself and another, or myself and the universe (as it seems to be of late), I could very easily obsess over the situation, attempting to fix something that couldn’t be fixed. I could lock myself in my room, wallowing in grief and sadness over what could have been.

So, you see, time does not deserve the credit. It doesn’t wait for you. It doesn’t give you pause so that you may heal. It passes regardless. It’s independent of all you experience. It is even when you are not. Thus, time does not heal. It’s the introspection and second-guessing you do to yourself in the days that pass. It’s the thought you put into the situation over the following weeks. It’s the changes you go through in your daily routine, thought processes and feelings. It’s coping with fears and insecurities. And, above all, it’s the forgiveness you show yourself thereafter.

I can wait to forgive. I can wait to figure myself out. I can wait to heal myself. Or, I can do it now. I choose now.